Souvenirs from my Cancer ‘Adventure’ - I’m So Damn Tired of Feeling So Damn Scared!
It was certainly not one of my most graceful moments. In fact, it was one of my least graceful moments, ever.
When I flew home from my first road show in two years, which was glorious to do, as I got into the car, the driver, without asking, whipped off his mask, with the words “You can take that thing off if you want to.” As my emotions rose, I could barely check my temper to say in a controlled voice, “I believe I told you I was high risk. Please put your mask back on.” And he did, but there was no apology, no explanation. There was only tense silence for the 45 minutes it took to get home. And when I got home, my temper boiled over. I called the car service, got the duty manager, and completely lost my temper. While I do not regret what I said, I deeply regret how I said it. And I called first thing Monday to apologize.
Fear and anxiety had gotten the better of me.
But what it truly comes down to is, I am so damn tired of feeling so damn scared.
From the beginning of ‘the Adventure,’ fear has been an ever present, if unwelcome presence, in our lives. Whether I want to admit to it or not. When COVID began, I was just starting to allow the Damocles sword above my head to fade a bit into the background. I was just starting to allow the first faint blushes of hope to glimmer on the horizon, only to be hurtled right back into fear and anxiety.
I want to feel safe again, but that seems to be as elusive as catching smoke.
The most challenging times for me seem to be small, enclosed places, like cars and elevators or crowded places like an airport. What to do when distancing is virtually impossible and ‘me first’ seems to be order of the day? I don’t want to infringe on anyone’s ‘liberties’ but my first duty is to myself and for now that means masking around me.
To admit fear is hard, but it’s real. And for those with weakened immune systems, it is all too real.
So, for now, the order of the day is “I am high risk. I would appreciate it if you would kindly put on your mask. Thank you.”
Onward!
For more information:
How to Politely Ask Someone to Wear a Face Mask – Cleveland Clinic https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-politely-ask-someone-to-wear-a-face-mask
How do I politely ask someone to wear a mask? - AP News - https://apnews.com/article/how-to-ask-wear-mask-coronavirus-7b4f5219e5c33315a49bc087b164b185
How to Ask a Colleague to Mask Up – Harvard Business Review - https://hbr.org/2021/08/how-to-ask-a-colleague-to-mask-up
