Souvenirs from my Cancer ‘Adventure’ – Back to Life
I’ve been on a total or modified lockdown for more than 18 months and now that I’m fully vaccinated and armed with a variety of masks, which will be a part of my wardrobe for the foreseeable future, this is as good as it’s going to get, so it’s time to go back to life.
Which fills me with tremendous, contradictory emotions.
I’m excited. I’m anxious. I’m curious. I’m impatient. I’m hopeful.
And I am far from alone.
The most pedestrian things are eagerly awaited. Going to the movies. A haircut in a salon. Doing the grocery shopping again, where I can be the one to choose the produce and meats. Hugs! Getting tickets for a show. And then, please, more hugs!
And important things, previously forbidden, can now not only be considered, but can be realized. Seeing our son, who lives more than 500 miles away. Attending weddings, to share in the joy of the most special of days. Going on vacation to recharge our souls and our spirits.
But as I emerge from my mandated COVID cocoon, which was far too reminiscent of the ‘Adventure’ and its chemo requirements, how to handle the conflicting emotions that comes on this part of the ‘Adventure’? After being told for more than a year that I endanger my life by being in the world, the difficult and conflicting emotions that come with re-entry, are real and run deep.
I’ve learned I must take it slow and pay attention to my emotions and then, without guilt or apology, do what I need to do. When I’m at a store and my anxiety rises past a certain level, it’s time to go, whether I’m done or not. When someone who is not masked, stands too close to me for my comfort level, I move. When someone makes a cruel remark about my mask, I ignore it.
But I also focus on the joy. The joy of a hug from our son. The joy of working with a talented team, too long unseen. The joy of lunch with friends, with the happy banter of love and friendship. The joy of anticipating good days ahead.
Is this hard? Absolutely.
Is this worth it? Yes, life means risk and while I won’t be foolish, I am going to live.
Onward!
More information on COVID Re-Entry:
Managing Anxiety & Returning to Social Situations https://www.pennfoundation.org/news-events/articles-of-interest/managing-anxiety-returning-to-social-situations/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw-4SLBhCVARIsACrhWLWgl3oOijjMouo1KF3pWul2rB2nFJ14ZZs0-o35F5UuFUZ0U7FErywaAi_0EALw_wcB
Post-Pandemic Anxiety: Life is Returning to Normal, So Why Do You Feel Anxious? https://weillcornell.org/news/post-pandemic-anxiety-life-is-returning-to-normal-so-why-do-you-feel-anxious
Is going 'back to normal' even possible? https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210707-is-going-back-to-normal-even-possible
